if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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