People in love make me want to vomit
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
