Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
