Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Girls should come with a carfax report
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
