you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
