Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Randomize
