Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Randomize
