Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
