Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
