i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
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