If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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