another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
