Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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