i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
This baby is an asshole
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
