worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
