what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
