i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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