It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
