Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
