we have officially lost it.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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