How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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