I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
