Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
