Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
