Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
