at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
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