is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
