I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
They took my balls.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
