i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
