He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I want to fling myself into the sun
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
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