I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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