bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
