I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
