So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
