I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
