Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
