Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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