sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
