$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Where is the hickey?
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Can I color on your dick again?
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Randomize
