So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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