dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
