You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Randomize
