If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Actions speak louder than pants.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Randomize
