Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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