There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I'm jealous of your bromance
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
