The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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