I wanna bring you to show and tell
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
