Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
