Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
We got so high we made milksteak
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future�
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
