If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
